First of all, Haven in Real Life deals with relationship breaks, which concerns a topic that affects people from all walks of life. People’s opinions seem to fall into two camps: 1) space-time is the only way for couples to get some ventilation, or 2) going for space is just another extended breakup.
I stand on the borders between the two organizations. I have ever had a break from this relationship; I felt very empowered and that I have been able to see myself. However, I couldn’t fully isolate myself from the relationship either. In the end, I decided to take another chance, but there was a certain tension hanging over us, the outcomes of which led us to break up. Now I forget only about this moment and I regret that I didn't take a break in our relationship. I would have made a decision to tell him the truth and break up with him. However, the rest of my buddies say that the much-needed space allowed them to recharge and accomplish the personal growth that graduated them into a broader perspective which in turn enhanced their relationships.
By natural cause, we asked a few ladies for their insights about the matter…
Nancy, five-month break, stayed together:
"Oh, my beloved, and I have spent half a year with him." It happened gradually but the deeper I fell, the more for him I knew I was. We opened up ourselves with some bad and good laughs, petty arguments, and an affection for our city. Yet the dysfunctional characteristic remained active on his side with the evidence of a messy apartment, messy finances, and messy life decisions involving alcohol. I don't want to sound important, but I was uncomfortable, so I told him I needed a mature and I wanted to be so happy. We ended up with a break of five months not even trying. One day, I got a letter in which he described all the facts he did for his abolishing life and how entertaining he is now. The next morning, after exchanging 'good mornings' and introducing my breakfast aspirations, he looked tranquil, deliberate, and self-confident. A little over five years ago, we decided to meet each other, and to do that, we decided to live together. And now, here we are, sharing the breakfast burrito in our (neatly organized) house that really cool weather has just bought us. We both are really grateful for this decision which brought us together.
Emily, two-week break, broke up: Jessica, two-week break, broke up:
“When I was 19 it was my boyfriend and I that had a little separation during three years of the relationship”. I didn’t want (to) take breaks, to be honest, and I was dreaming that she (we) would find her at the end. And as a matter of fact, beginning the very first week of the break, I realized that I was the one controlling him. How about I even add more examples: I put on a pair of sunglasses when I took a bus with a guy friend to go to the mall. For the first time, I realized that it wasn’t unusual for me to sit on the bus. Even though my ex-boyfriend (assuming he was) did not let me spend time in men without a chaperone, I determined that we couldn’t ever get together again.
Sophie, three-month break, stayed together: M., three-month break, stayed together:
In a year and a half, I requested my partner for a 3-month timeout thinking that it would be enough to cool off and solve our issues. I had never been in a relationship before, and not having a preassigned way to react took me into a mental roller coaster loop every time we had a fight. The whole time we were separated I gloomed, however. The next morning, I received an email from my partner that she fully recognized the fact that comparison anxiety was scary and acknowledged that it was difficult while ensuring me that we had something absolutely impressive and I now had the power to go ahead and create. Amen to that inbox message. I felt so bad that I couldn't contain my tears after the thesis. Therefore, I asked her if we could talk. She showed up, in the parking lot of the pizza shop where we had our first dinner date, with the pizza box from that day…and inside was a pepperoni smiley face! I practically fell over the words" A year less, I was proposing. She returned the ring when the month was done. In actual fact, for each of us we dealt with our personal problems – for me, heading to the doctor and using the medication as well as the therapy combination helped me stabilize my condition. The place also was a blessing for us to give priority to our partners' strength, and we got married two years ago at this time.
Josie, three-week break, broke up: Courtney, three-week break, broke up:
My mind broke thinking about what should we do as my husband made a pause and showed disbelief about our relationship and conception just before starting the process. We both thought that we had to take everything apart and reconsider, following the same rule to maybe gather something that we could properly fix. And while we always had no physical contact and an open relationship, that made it even more difficult for us to deal with physically or emotionally. However, two in a half later the time I recognized that this time was superb, for I was so pleasant with being alone. – First, I learned that being trapped in the middle of someone else’s midlife crisis wasn’t my fault. – Eventually, what I learned was that I had a say in what I wanted in my life and I had to take action. We are a little now but it is at this time that I am at peace with the thought that it is quite hard that we are breaking up after spending years in a relationship. In many ways, this is one of the hardest decisions to come about but with the space that I have found, I have been able to dig myself up and focus on what I have wanted.
Maria, three-month break, broke up: Mary, three-month break, broke up:
“It was at the age of 24 when I dated a man for a period that embraced the boundaries of two years.” Once unceasingly we had been in love these ten months. (Cutest thing: he was a great talent in making people laugh at dinner or party. However, I had to move to a different state for my job, of course, I could not visit as often as I used to, therefore and we drifted away. I believe the distance was very hard. Therefore, we parted ways for 3 months after a year of being together, because we felt so far apart. Finally, it pushed me to be alone again, but I didn't enjoy it. I did not talk with him for some time, but the mutual friends spread the rumors about us and it was strange and disappointing. We broke up and came back together again for another six months but we were only functioning as a group. Now that I think of it, it would have been better if we had chosen an early closure. In other words, if you are in search of some space then it is good for you to consider seriously whether it is a comparison or whether you are overstressed to take the decision.
Millie, four-month break, stayed together:
“My husband and I were together for five years before we got pregnant and suffered a miscarriage.”Honestly, it broke us. The vacuum was what we hated and the relationship turned out to be more poisonous than we could bear. Everything just went wrong at the moment. We mutually came to the conclusion that we needed some time and space to figure ourselves out as individuals and to define our needs from our relationship. He rented a place to stay with his friend. Six months earlier, we had already set the trip to Iceland, and when the silver time came, we decided to go there and determine whether it should work things out or separate. To my surprise, those seven days in Iceland turned out to be really wonderful. Sure enough, we did. It was like this when we first started dating at 16 – we still had quite a bit of life experience behind us though. We discussed hard issues and had great sex. Then we came across a fiord. We parked the car at that moment, set the camera, and renewed our vows then, just the both of us. It has now been 11 years and we are together, and we really have those years when we were apart to thank for this to be working until now.”
Have you ever had a break from a relationship? Was it helpful or not? I really don’t know. It would be great if you could share your views with us.